Chronicles of a Sleepless Singer

This is my new mantra:
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened".
- Mark Twain

As I mentioned in a previous blog about my vocal health, my vocal coach has told me that I need sleep above all. It's the number one way to heal overworked vocal cords. 

This week I also went to an acupuncturist for the first time, to treat my tired vocal chords, and he asked how much sleep I was getting. I sheepishly told him about 7 hours a night, but broken up into 2-3 hour chunks at most (this is not solely Annie's fault; I am on high alert and sleeping so lightly).
So last night when I slept for 5 hours straight it felt like the longest most restful sleep of my life. It's been at least 3 months since the last time that happened.

I have been thinking about the factors that contribute to our state of sleeplessness, and I have to admit that the travelling life has caused many of Annabelle's bad sleeping habits.

A good activity to tire her out: Pick up all
the leaves on the way back from the coffee shop!

1. Co-Sleeping

The family bed is wonderful, and was perfect for this nursing Momma. In the beginning, when Annie was a wee babe, co-sleeping allowed me to nurse AND get sleep. She slept better when snuggled closely, and if she was hungry, I could slip out my boob and let her eat comfortably while I dozed. This also worked for us on the road - despite being in a different hotel room every night, Annabelle could experience the regularity of having me near. Plus, it was comforting for me to have her near too.

As Annabelle has grown, she has become more conscious of my movements, waking when I turn over, or when Colin would get up to go to work in the morning. Don't even think about turning a light on to read in bed... Unfortunately the joyful happy family bed means she now needs one of us to lay down with her to fall asleep every night.

2. Wonky Sleep Schedule

There is no "sleeping" regularity on the road. It's extremely difficult to get a baby to bed at the same time every day on tour. Sometimes, especially if there's no nanny on tour, Annie is awake late into the evening. And if we have an early departure the next morning, I'm waking her up before her 12 hours are up (SIDEBAR: don't you wish you were a baby and could sleep 12 hours a night!?). It feels a bit cruel messing with her schedule, especially as she gets older and less likely to fall asleep in any old moving vehicle.

3. Night Nursing

As solids became a more regular part of Annie's diet, I needed to stop nursing her at night feed. But it has been very hard; in addition to quickly soothing Annabelle back to sleep (so I could sleep), I used night nursing to keep her quiet on the road. You see, we often stay in people's homes and I am highly conscious of not wanting to wake my bandmates and our hosts. Each time she'd cry, out came the boob. This has led to some challenging sleep associations.

4. No thank-you Mr. Ferber

Many parents have suggested that we use the Ferber Method to teach Annie to put herself to sleep, and to soothe herself if she wakes in the nighttime. I just can't. It's not that I don't think it will work, it's just that it doesn't feel right for us. Maybe I'm not desperate enough. Maybe I'm not TIRED enough. Either way, I don't like letting her cry it out. Ferberizing just makes me plain uncomfortable.

I get a lot of ridicule for this; people think I'm too soft. But we'll figure it out, and I'd like to do so without the crying mess and the snotty, unhappy baby.

My very happy baby on our daily walk on St. Clair Ave. W. in Toronto

After our last tour, we had a good chunk of time at home, which anyone will tell you is necessary to implement new habits. Colin and I decided it was time to make some changes to our routine and approach. Here are our wins:

1. No more night nursing

This took some time, but it is going well. She still nurses three times a day (I will write another blog at some point regarding my choice to continue nursing Annabelle into her first year), but night feeds don't happen anymore. Well that's not entirely true; this Thanksgiving weekend we stayed with my Grandparents in Burk's Falls, ON. Let's just say that Annie's palate was tested that day, and her belly was upset through the night. I used breastfeeding to soothe her stomach and to keep her quiet so she didn't disturb my Grandma and Grandpa. That's what a few Cheetos will do to a one year old.

2. I stopped nursing Annabelle to sleep

When we're on the road, I cannot be with Annabelle every night, so this is a big win for whoever is putting her down. To make the shift, I started to nurse her in our bedroom, and then Colin or I would do her pre-sleep routine in her own room. This has helped disassociate sleep with nursing.

I was very nervous about this step, but it didn't take long! She had a few days of confusion but quickly settled into the new system. To be clear, she still needs us there to fall asleep, but at least she's not latched to my breast. That's a big WIN. For my breasts in particular.

3. She's sleeping in her own bed.

We decided recently that we wanted our bed back, but we quickly realized that the crib was a dead end. With so much time spent in a normal bed with me, she just didn't understand the transition to the little cage when we came home from tour. It also didn't allow us to comfort her to sleep by laying down with her at night. I got some great feedback from friends who had chosen floor beds for their children and we decided to give it a go.

Annie's big girl bed.

Best. Decision. EVER. It's been a great transition, and she'll have this bed for the next many years. Sometimes while soothing her back to sleep we'll fall asleep in her bed, so in some ways it's still an extension of co-sleeping (and sometimes I just nap with her if I can). At least we have our own bedroom to ourselves again.

Another great benefit to putting Annie's bed on the floor is that when she wakes in the mornings - or after naps - she's prone to exploring her room and playing by herself. She lets us know she's awake by babbling away and pulling every single book off the bookshelf. That's fun.

Plus she can't fall off the bed and hurt herself (this may have happened once in a hotel room in Chicago. Don't tell my Mom).

The fabulous blog apartmenttherapy.com recently featured a Gallery of Children's Floor Beds. Worth checking out for style ideas and a renewed look at baby rooms.

4. Routine, Routine, Routine

Ah, the travelling Mom's kryptonite. It has been so nice to have a somewhat regular schedule, to know when Annie will wake, when she'll eat and when she'll nap. Some days are totally bonkers, and we'll miss a nap here and there, but mostly there's a schedule.

It's also been key to develop her sleep routine: a few books, then a song, and then lights out. Again I can't really sing right now :((((( so Colin's been bearing the "brunt" of bedtime. He doesn't seem to mind. It's a very special time of day.

This is not to say that we don't have a long road ahead. Here are our ongoing challenges:

- She needs one of us to help her fall back asleep, which makes 2 am wake ups very bleak.

- She often wakes at 5 wanting to nurse, but we have been pushing it forward as much as possible. 5 am is not an acceptable wake up time around here.

- It takes FOREVER for her to fall asleep for her daytime naps, and laying down while she fights sleep can be very frustrating, especially when she starts making her "sleepy" noise (picture the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber).

- She doesn't really want to drink very much whole milk when I'm not around to nurse which makes my upcoming two-night tour without her even more challenging. I'm trying not to worry about that.

I hope this sleep-training post helps some travelling Moms. Having been through these challenges now, I know the changes I would make if I could do it over again. That being said, Annabelle is very happy and healthy and easy going - so maybe I wouldn't change a thing. In the grand scheme of things, this time is fleeting, and before I know it I won't be sleeping because I'll be worried about her breaking curfew. I'm keeping Mark Twain in mind.

'Til next time,

Caroline