Lady in Wait.

No great surprise: my due date has come and gone. In the last few weeks I've had an inkling that this little baby is perfectly happy in it's warm jelly orb, and unlikely to come on time. Other reasons for it to lolly-gag: my bags were simply packed too early, the nursery has been ready for a month, and we finished all of our pre-natal classes weeks ago.

After a visit with my doctor yesterday, she confirmed it. In her words - she'd be "extremely surprised" if baby came before next week. My sister Katie joked that it must be a girl because she is already very stubborn. Either way, baby Brooks-Love is snug as a bug.

This is an exercise in letting go. I had not made any plans this week (a rarity for me) and have so much free time I don't know what to do with myself. I find it extremely difficult to sit still and have been wandering the hall (there's only one) of my house looking for things to do, calling friends, going for walks and making plans (this afternoon I head to the studio with the Good Lovelies, Kerri & Sue to record vocals on Oh Susanna's new record. Why the hell not?).

It's also a good wake up call. Baby is already in charge and hasn't even arrived yet. Case in point: last week I bought my stroller at a sweet little boutique shop on St. Clair named Peek-A-Boo (highly recommended  - way more fun that Toys R Us) and on the walk home I exercised some patience. My former self, alone and errand-bound, would skip by people, weave in and out of sidewalk traffic, and bounce into tight Toronto shops to "git er" done. Alas, not in my new life. Steering my new jogger awkwardly down the street, it took at least twice the time it would usually for me to get home - no skipping, no twisting, no passing. I am the one being passed now. And the stroller was empty!

For me the stress associated with being overdue is that each day that baby waits to arrive is one less day that I have to settle into some semblance of a routine before we bring it on tour. One week late is one week younger on our first plane ride. Two weeks late is an 8 week old on the road. I'm sure that all of this over-thinking and anxiousness isn't helping to move baby down the canal. Ultimately our baby will arrive when it wants to. For the wise out there - any advice on helping things along? I'll even take old wives' tales!

At the end of the day, I just can't wait to meet this little thing and my sweet husband keeps telling baby that he wants it to come out in play. We have some hurdles to jump through before then for sure (labour!), but in the meantime, we wait to meet our late and lazy new family member. Patience.

Book-A-Week Challenge

In grade 7, my teacher decided to tack up a "reading log" at the front of the class. The premise was to encourage students to read. On a lined paper on the wall beside her desk, we would write our name, the title of the book we had read, and the number of pages in that book. The idea being, whoever had read the most by the end of the year would win a prize.

At the time I was a voracious reader. Because I took the bus to school, and there were no kids my age in my neighbourhood, I had few distractions in the evenings and weekends. My sister and I would go to the library, load up on piles of Babysitters Club and Sweet Valley High novels (I use that term loosely),  and I would read. And read.

My Dad put up a hammock in the backyard, and it became my sanctuary. I would immerse myself in Judy Blume, R.L. Stein, and Tolkien (and the complete works of Bill Waterson...). Each time I completed a book, I would proudly walk up to the reading log, number my pages, and head back to my desk.

In retrospect the whole thing was a bit embarrassing. I realized, around the time when the 15th book was logged, that I may have been going overboard. I could hear snickers from my classmates (though that may have had more to do with my stirrup pants under flannel plaid shirts) each time I wrote down my pages. Over-achiever perhaps? Brown nose? Whatever it was, I became self-conscious about my hunger for literature, and started to leave out some of the books I read, logging ever other novel instead.

Skip forward to present day: I now have an English degree from the University of Toronto (thank goodness the self-consciousness faded), and I love to read. Although, truth be told, the number of pages read annually have fallen drastically since grade 7.

In late June, I had an epiphany. Long hours in the touring van and all the quiet time I have at home to read were about to go up in flames. The baby was going to be my new time-suck (and suck of other things as well!!). No more late nights on the road in a quiet hotel room to myself! Gone the days of peaceful leisurely reading! Goodbye, books, my old friends!

Around that time, I heard about the Book-A-Week Challenge through Shelagh Rogers, host of CBC's The Next Chapter. Inspired by the concept, I decided to take up my own 12 Week challenge, the number of remaining weeks in my pregnancy. Here's what I have read thus far:

The Book Thief - Marcus Zusak
Stories I only tell my Friends - Rob Lowe
Lost in the Barrens - Farley Mowat
All the Pretty Horses - Cormac McCarthy
The Flying Troutmans - Miriam Toews
Girls Fall Down - Maggie Helwig (Toronto Public Library's ONE BOOK - Community Read 2012)
The Color Purple - Alice Walker
Cat's Cradle - Kurt Vonnegut
The Sentimentalists - Joanna Skibsrud
John Irving - The Cider House Rules

Admittedly, I am a week behind, and hope to finish the following books before baby comes:
Lolita - Vladimir Nobokov
Down to the Dirt - Joel Hynes

My criteria for choosing books was quite simple: I chose books mainly because they were recommended to me by friends. My reading list was also largely determined by availability at my local library. Time and money are of essence these days (Did you know what a stroller costs? I had no idea! ROBBERY!)

Upworthy.com put together a great guide to some summer reading, a guide that avoids the undisputed queen (and trashy queen she is) of the summer reading list Fifty Shades of Grey. My friend shared the list with me after I announced my personal reading challenge, and I ended up drawing some of my choices from it. Check it out here.

There are two things that have surprised me about the challenge. After the 3rd book, I found myself shying away from the computer, wanting to spend any downtime reading rather than on twitter or facebook or instagram or some other time/soul-sucking social network (I am embarrassed to say that I even forgot about Perezhilton.com, my daily celeb gossip indulgence). At mealtimes on my own, I would gravitate to the comfortable reading chair in my kitchen. In the afternoon, when I was feeling tired from our move, I would lay out on the futon and read. When baby started kicking vigorously at 11pm, the witching hour, I would get up from bed and read until the wee hours, or at least until the little bugger settled down.

Second, and I think more importantly, I have reignited my love of the local library. Yesterday while stocking up on the next stack of books, I saw piles of babies playing in the community room while their parents browsed the book selection. I have a feeling I'll be spending lots of time there in the years to come.

Cheers to the next challenge (childbirth.)

CB

Shows this weekend

Just a brief note to say that I'm gearing up for a weekend of music.

On Saturday I am singing backup for my good friend Scott Cooper. Coop is a beautiful human and a great singer songwriter from Midland ON. He's releasing a gorgeous new record called Quiet Company that's garnering some beauty reviews. And I'm a lucky duck for getting to sing on it...

Saturday September 15th, 2012

The Cameron House
Toronto ON
CD RELEASE EVENT - FULL BAND
w/ sg Rob Szabo
10 pm

On Sunday I'll be playing a solo set (gulp!) at Not Far from the Tree's Annual City Cider event. These guys do amazing work in the city, harvesting fruit from homeowners and distributing the bounty to food banks, shelters and community kitchens in the neighbourhood. I'm delighted they have asked me to play, and am looking forward to the challenge of playing an hour of tunes on my own. It's been a long time.

My set takes place at 1pm in the Orchard of the Spadina Museum. There are some other great acts playing this weekend too, including Ventanas, Beams, and Orchards (naturally).  For event details, check out the facebook invite.

Hope to see you out there this weekend.

xo CB

Change of Season

For me, autumn brings about change more than any other season. I think mostly because we'll never forget that "going back to school" feeling - new sneakers, squeaky binders, reuniting with friends after a long summer! As far as I can tell, fall is about new beginnings even more than New Years. This is the time of year I make my real resolutions. And the weather is perfect: sunny, crisp and cool in the evenings. With the windows open, I find myself buried in a heap blankets by morning, with a chilly nose. I love it.

But autumn also ushers in melancholy. I grew up with a giant mountain ash in my backyard, and each September, the robins would eat too many berries and fly into our big windows, drunk from excessive eating. Fall was a heyday for survival. I always felt that the season had a sense of urgency about it - the threat of departure and death. After the great feast, on a day like any other, I would suddenly notice that the mountain ash was bare of leaves and berries and birds. And it made me sad. Everything went quiet.

September has also, over the last few years as a musician, been a time of renewed touring. After a lull at the end of summer festival season, the fall would mark the start of a series of tours. This is when theatres would open their doors at summer's waning, and people settled in to watch music again after getting their kids back to school.

Last year around this time we headed to Northern Ontario for a series of shows in small towns. Then in October we headed to the Carolinas on a beautiful driving tour that left the cold of Ontario behind. We were like birds heading South for the winter, lounging on white beaches, eating exotic foods and turning our faces to the sun. Unfortunately that tour only lasted 2 1/2 weeks, and we left for Alberta for the beginning of our Christmas tour, (equally fun, but for different reasons, and damn was it colder).

This year, the feelings that accompany fall have even more gravity (I am also carrying extra weight, this could have something to do with it). With the baby due in two weeks, it's all new beginnings in the Brooks/Love household. A change of season, a new apartment, a ten week "sabbatical", a total change of life. I am cooking up a storm in order to hibernate for the next few months. Phew. Heavy stuff. And I must admit, I'm feeling nostalgic about the touring life of yesterday. The timing couldn't be more perfect :)

Here's a very amateur video of a tune that I wrote on tour last fall. It's called "Winter's Defeat". It was inspired by many of the feelings that I've talked about here. Full disclosure: I'm like a newscaster here - I got "gussied" from the waist-up. I'm totally wearing jogging pants in this video, as they are the only thing that fit my giant belly now.

I hope you enjoy.

Til next time.
Caroline