Sunday, 22 December 2013

www.momontheroad.ca

Hello friends! This blog has moved to:

www.momontheroad.ca

Thanks, always for reading!

'Til next time,
Caroline

Tuesday, 29 October 2013

Going solo (for a weekend).

You might be think I'm talking about a solo music project, but that's not quite it. You see, I'm about to go solo: two whole nights without Annabelle.

This weekend the Good Lovelies head out on a short 2 1/2 day trip to Minnesota for some shows. It's been a long time since I have been in the tour van with the band, and have had a hotel room to myself (well, at least one I can make noise in and not worry about the tiny sleeping hot potato in the other bed). I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to it.

This will be my first time away from Annie overnight. She's 13 months now, and I think I'm ready. It helps that today was overwhelming; one of those days when the to-do list doesn't get any shorter, and I've checked my email about 50 times, and the baby won't nap, and there's a pile of dishes to do, dinner to cook, a tour to get organized for and God knows what else. I don't necessarily believe this is a "Mom" thing. It's a Life thing. I know we all have too much to do and too little time - but usually I can wrap my head around it. Not today.

And even though I've been having ongoing vocal issues(you can read about them here), and the stupidly dumb schedule we're on this weekend (I likely will get as much sleep as I do at home with the baby waking at night), the idea of being able to sit back and not have an ear/eye out for a few hours is really really appealing.

So I'll leave it there for now. Just a little insight into how I'm feeling about going away without Annie. I'm sure the recap will be filled with how much I missed the babe (I'm in for it!), and how much I hate pumping (oh that old chestnut), but for now, wish me a good time. And a clear voice. And late night cable WHEEEEE!!!

'Til next time,
Caroline

Friday, 18 October 2013

Sea-Legs Collective: First Ten

About a month ago, my friend and blogger Jen Ochej asked me to write a guest entry on her great East-Coast based music blog Sea Legs Collective. The feature she asked me to write was part of the blog's "First Ten"; every week she has a musician turn on shuffle on their music device, list the first ten tunes that show up and write a bit about them.

It was a great exercise, and got me thinking about how I listen to music. I realized that I rarely find a single and buy it. I still tend to buy entire albums and usually listen to them front to back.

To view the original post, follow this link.

...

Sea Legs Collective: My First Ten.

Full disclosure: I rarely buy singles, and love to listen to entire albums the old school way, which means shuffle is a strange beast to me. As a result, I can't separate the songs from their albums, and apologize in advance if I write more about the records than the songs themselves!

Sleep Beneath the Willow
Daniel has become one of my favourite balladeers - he' s a killer songwriter and a great performer. This tune doesn't belong to this century, and it makes me tear up if I listen too closely.

Segunda
I started listening to Brazilian Juana Molina back in the days when I was working a desk job and desperately wanted to be out of my windowless office. It brings back a lot of strange feelings.
Which makes sense, because this song is typical of the album - lots of texture, lightness, and very quirky. I like a song that keeps me guessing.

Antifogmatic
Never mind Chris Thile's ridiculous mandolin playing, this tune made me fall in love with his voice. I actually think I have a 12 year old girl crush on his singing… it's playful, pleading, persistent, scolding, and sweet. Can you say Swoon!?

Voyageur
I am not surprised that this one showed up in my first ten. I have listened to this song hundreds of times in the last couple years. I still can't believe that I got to sing, with the Lovelies, on this album. Pinch me!
Sidenote: this is the PERFECT driving song. Makes me want to be on the highway (maybe not the 401, a nice rural highway would do) with the windows down. 

Bar chords
A song about a woman about having a baby, and growing old with his lady. Bahamas was made for me! I love tunes with hints of domesticity and family life. Also he uses the lyrics "fist pumping" in this tune. C'mon!

Facing Future
Okay, who wants to live in Hawaii? I do, someday…or at least spend a few months pretending I live there. This is the fellow who made the beautiful version of "Over the Rainbow" on the Uke, and the whole album feels like an afternoon on a island.

Jake Bugg
This KID kills me. He is 19 years old, and has written a song that I feel I have heard a million times before. Those are the best, the ones you have known your whole life. I dig this song big time, especially when I'm pounding pavement. It has a perfect walking beat.

The Law & The Lonesome
This is one of my favourite records EVER. I love Jonathan's songwriting, voice, guitar playing - the whole package really. Something about this tune reminds me of my youth, of the Highwaymen, and of my parents.

Days are Gone
I'm partial to female three part harmony bands. Go figure.
This band is rocking, in the best 80's-rock kind of way. This song is super fun and has become a kitchen dance anthem for me and my one year old.
Also, the music video for the tune riffs on gender stereotypes, and made me chuckle out loud when I watched it for the first time.

Child Ballads

This album is a devastatingly beautiful collection of some of the Child Ballads, Ancient English & Scottish poems. This ballad recounts how Tam Lin is saved by his true love from the Faerie Queen. Anais is one of my favourite artists, and this album is a perfect late evening soundtrack. It's emotional in the folkiest way. 

Wednesday, 16 October 2013

Chronicles of a Sleepless Singer

This is my new mantra:
"I've had a lot of worries in my life, most of which never happened".
- Mark Twain

As I mentioned in a previous blog about my vocal health, my vocal coach has told me that I need sleep above all. It's the number one way to heal overworked vocal cords. 

This week I also went to an acupuncturist for the first time, to treat my tired vocal chords, and he asked how much sleep I was getting. I sheepishly told him about 7 hours a night, but broken up into 2-3 hour chunks at most (this is not solely Annie's fault; I am on high alert and sleeping so lightly).
So last night when I slept for 5 hours straight it felt like the longest most restful sleep of my life. It's been at least 3 months since the last time that happened.

I have been thinking about the factors that contribute to our state of sleeplessness, and I have to admit that the travelling life has caused many of Annabelle's bad sleeping habits.

A good activity to tire her out: Pick up all
the leaves on the way back from the coffee shop!
1. Co-Sleeping

The family bed is wonderful, and was perfect for this nursing Momma. In the beginning, when Annie was a wee babe, co-sleeping allowed me to nurse AND get sleep. She slept better when snuggled closely, and if she was hungry, I could slip out my boob and let her eat comfortably while I dozed. This also worked for us on the road - despite being in a different hotel room every night, Annabelle could experience the regularity of having me near. Plus, it was comforting for me to have her near too.

As Annabelle has grown, she has become more conscious of my movements, waking when I turn over, or when Colin would get up to go to work in the morning. Don't even think about turning a light on to read in bed... Unfortunately the joyful happy family bed means she now needs one of us to lay down with her to fall asleep every night.

2. Wonky Sleep Schedule

There is no "sleeping" regularity on the road. It's extremely difficult to get a baby to bed at the same time every day on tour. Sometimes, especially if there's no nanny on tour, Annie is awake late into the evening. And if we have an early departure the next morning, I'm waking her up before her 12 hours are up (SIDEBAR: don't you wish you were a baby and could sleep 12 hours a night!?). It feels a bit cruel messing with her schedule, especially as she gets older and less likely to fall asleep in any old moving vehicle.

3. Night Nursing

As solids became a more regular part of Annie's diet, I needed to stop nursing her at night feed. But it has been very hard; in addition to quickly soothing Annabelle back to sleep (so I could sleep), I used night nursing to keep her quiet on the road. You see, we often stay in people's homes and I am highly conscious of not wanting to wake my bandmates and our hosts. Each time she'd cry, out came the boob. This has led to some challenging sleep associations.

4. No thank-you Mr. Ferber

Many parents have suggested that we use the Ferber Method to teach Annie to put herself to sleep, and to soothe herself if she wakes in the nighttime. I just can't. It's not that I don't think it will work, it's just that it doesn't feel right for us. Maybe I'm not desperate enough. Maybe I'm not TIRED enough. Either way, I don't like letting her cry it out. Ferberizing just makes me plain uncomfortable.

I get a lot of ridicule for this; people think I'm too soft. But we'll figure it out, and I'd like to do so without the crying mess and the snotty, unhappy baby.

My very happy baby on our daily walk on St. Clair Ave. W. in Toronto
After our last tour, we had a good chunk of time at home, which anyone will tell you is necessary to implement new habits. Colin and I decided it was time to make some changes to our routine and approach. Here are our wins:

1. No more night nursing

This took some time, but it is going well. She still nurses three times a day (I will write another blog at some point regarding my choice to continue nursing Annabelle into her first year), but night feeds don't happen anymore. Well that's not entirely true; this Thanksgiving weekend we stayed with my Grandparents in Burk's Falls, ON. Let's just say that Annie's palate was tested that day, and her belly was upset through the night. I used breastfeeding to soothe her stomach and to keep her quiet so she didn't disturb my Grandma and Grandpa. That's what a few Cheetos will do to a one year old.

2. I stopped nursing Annabelle to sleep

When we're on the road, I cannot be with Annabelle every night, so this is a big win for whoever is putting her down. To make the shift, I started to nurse her in our bedroom, and then Colin or I would do her pre-sleep routine in her own room. This has helped disassociate sleep with nursing.

I was very nervous about this step, but it didn't take long! She had a few days of confusion but quickly settled into the new system. To be clear, she still needs us there to fall asleep, but at least she's not latched to my breast. That's a big WIN. For my breasts in particular.

3. She's sleeping in her own bed.

We decided recently that we wanted our bed back, but we quickly realized that the crib was a dead end. With so much time spent in a normal bed with me, she just didn't understand the transition to the little cage when we came home from tour. It also didn't allow us to comfort her to sleep by laying down with her at night. I got some great feedback from friends who had chosen floor beds for their children and we decided to give it a go.

Annie's big girl bed.
Best. Decision. EVER. It's been a great transition, and she'll have this bed for the next many years. Sometimes while soothing her back to sleep we'll fall asleep in her bed, so in some ways it's still an extension of co-sleeping (and sometimes I just nap with her if I can). At least we have our own bedroom to ourselves again.

Another great benefit to putting Annie's bed on the floor is that when she wakes in the mornings - or after naps - she's prone to exploring her room and playing by herself. She lets us know she's awake by babbling away and pulling every single book off the bookshelf. That's fun.

Plus she can't fall off the bed and hurt herself (this may have happened once in a hotel room in Chicago. Don't tell my Mom).

The fabulous blog apartmenttherapy.com recently featured a Gallery of Children's Floor Beds. Worth checking out for style ideas and a renewed look at baby rooms.

4. Routine, Routine, Routine

Ah, the travelling Mom's kryptonite. It has been so nice to have a somewhat regular schedule, to know when Annie will wake, when she'll eat and when she'll nap. Some days are totally bonkers, and we'll miss a nap here and there, but mostly there's a schedule.

It's also been key to develop her sleep routine: a few books, then a song, and then lights out. Again I can't really sing right now :((((( so Colin's been bearing the "brunt" of bedtime. He doesn't seem to mind. It's a very special time of day.

This is not to say that we don't have a long road ahead. Here are our ongoing challenges:

- She needs one of us to help her fall back asleep, which makes 2 am wake ups very bleak.

- She often wakes at 5 wanting to nurse, but we have been pushing it forward as much as possible. 5 am is not an acceptable wake up time around here.

- It takes FOREVER for her to fall asleep for her daytime naps, and laying down while she fights sleep can be very frustrating, especially when she starts making her "sleepy" noise (picture the most annoying sound in the world from Dumb and Dumber).

- She doesn't really want to drink very much whole milk when I'm not around to nurse which makes my upcoming two-night tour without her even more challenging. I'm trying not to worry about that.

I hope this sleep-training post helps some travelling Moms. Having been through these challenges now, I know the changes I would make if I could do it over again. That being said, Annabelle is very happy and healthy and easy going - so maybe I wouldn't change a thing. In the grand scheme of things, this time is fleeting, and before I know it I won't be sleeping because I'll be worried about her breaking curfew. I'm keeping Mark Twain in mind.

'Til next time,

Caroline

Friday, 4 October 2013

I Want My Voice Back.

I've alluded, in posts of late to my diminished vocal health. I've been having difficulty with my singing and speaking voice since late June. That's a long time, with no great improvement. And, after two weeks at home, nothing is changing; it's almost getting worse. I'm really starting to worry.

Just last night I listened to a song I'd recorded recently, and while the husky voice singing to me was pleasant, it wasn't me. I want to sound like myself again.

It all started with a scratchy throat about three shows into our UK tour. I chalked it up to fatigue and a budding cold, and I pushed through, using "Vocalzone" lozenges each night to get through the shows. Any singer will tell you that lozenges simply mask the problem, but I wanted (and needed) to get through the shows and they were working wonders. So that's what I did, for a good two weeks.

After coming back from the UK, and with a bit of time to recuperate, my clear upper range still wasn't coming back. I headed to the Toronto Western Artist's Health Centre to get some input. I spoke with their Registered Nurse, who referred me to Toronto's top ENT at St. Michael's Hospital. To my dismay, the earliest they will see me is March 2014. Yes, folks... MARCH. This is where I write a blog about our healthcare system. Ha!

In the meantime, I have been trying a broad range of techniques to work through this voicelessness. First, I started to see a vocal coach - Montreal-raised, Toronto-based Amanda Mabro. She's been an incredible source of inspiration and positivity; in addition to all the great knowledge Amanda has been sharing, she won't let me get down in the dumps about my situation: she won't let me think the worse. I am very lucky to have her, and she comes highly recommended.

At our first meeting, Amanda pointed out two major culprits:

1. Lack of sleep
I don't sleep like I used to. This is not the place to discuss how little (restful) sleep I am getting, but it's pretty bad. Not as bad as some parents experience with a one-year-old, but still not enough, especially given all the touring and singing we're up to. I need rest, the real deal for many hours in a row, and that's just not happening right now.

2. Technique
As suspected, I have developed some bad singing habits over the years, and they're starting to take their toll. I've never had any vocal lessons, and am now wishing I had. Amanda and I working on changing the way I sing, without changing the sound of my voice (because I kind of like how I sing!). Hopefully these new techniques will reduce the strain on my vocal chords going forward.

There are some other factors at play as well. Here are the ones I think are taking the most toll:

Asthma
I've had Asthma since the age of 10. I'm very lucky to have access to a great Lung Specialist at Toronto Western Hospital. I've been working with him for years to make sure the daily inhaled steroids that I take have the least impact possible on my vocal chords. Even still, there is no question that they contribute to drying me out.
This week we met to discuss my vocal issues and we're working on a new plan which includes an Aero Chamber to lessen the inhaled particles hitting the back of my throat. Every little bit!

Coffee & Alcohol
I love coffee. I love coffee more than wine and beer, which I've pretty much given up for the time being. Although recently in a moment of desperation I drank a shot of scotch at set break to get through the second half of the show. I was feeling desperate...it worked at the time, but I'm sure I paid the price the next day. I just have to accept the fact that my singing voice does not allow me to drink whiskey every night. Bummer.
Coffee is another story. Every morning I wake up and I say: "Tomorrow! I'll stop drinking coffee tomorrow!" I know it's drying out my voice, but it really does help me through the day (especially with all that sleeplessness!) So I drink coffee, and loads and loads of water. I pee twice an hour, but at least I'm keeping my throat lubricated

Talking
My talking habits have contributed to these issues. Basically, I speak more loudly than I need to, and I speak in a low range while I sing in upper registers. I think I taught myself to speak like this years ago, because I felt it gave me more authority. Ha! I have to accept the fact that my voice falls naturally in a higher register, and that I am not meant to sound sexy. Not even in my singing voice...it's okay, Caroline. Get over it!

Touring, Touring, Touring
I feel that these vocal issues have persisted (and gotten worse) because I've been singing through strained vocal chords for months. We go on tour and my voice feels okay (though not 100%) for a few shows. Then it slowly degrades each night until the last few shows, when I literally start squeaking. I haven't hit the last high note in the Heebie Jeebies for months. It's so depressing.
Also, the problem with touring is that it's designed to kill your voice: Long drives in cars with bad ventilation, smoky hotel rooms, flights that suck all the moisture out of your body, sleeplessness (Remember that night I played until 2 and Annie got up at 7? Read about it here!), singing, talking loudly over the hum of a van, laughing with your friends...it's terrible. But also awesome.

This is our first real break in a long time, and it's most necessary, especially as we ramp up to do 29 shows on the Vinyl Cafe Christmas Tour. It's going to be insane, but also awesome. I'm hoping the combination of many approaches will help me sound myself again, but my sense is that complete vocal rest is the only thing that will do it. I hate to admit it because I love hanging out with friends and family while I'm home and gabbing over the din of a bar while a band is setting up. And also - how do I accomplish complete silence with 1 year old who babbles and points, asking "dat?" (what's that?) every 10 seconds? I can't leave her hanging!

Saddest part of this whole thing? I can't sing lullabies to Annabelle. I cannot sing quietly to my baby, and in the few times I've tried to lull her to sleep with a song, it's been difficult. A singer not being able to sing lullabies to her baby is the plot of a heartbreaking drama.

It's late, and time to enter dreamland. That's where I sing these days.

'Til next time,

Caroline

Saturday, 28 September 2013

Happy Birthday Annie-B!

This is the most important birthday I've ever experienced. And having travelled once around the sun with Annabelle, from her birth to 365 days later, I have a better understanding of what it means.

No Betty Crocker here...from scratch!
Colin and I were trying to remember, at various moments today, what we would have been doing exactly 1 year ago. Were we learning to bathe Annabelle? Trying to take a nap through all the hospital buzz? Trying to nurse (ouch)? Visiting with family and friends? Talking to the doctor? Staring at the baby? Most likely staring at the baby...

The details of the days following Annabelle's birth are a bit fuzzy, but one thing we agree on was that beautiful rosy post-birth glow. It softened the whole crazy, human experience, making it in retrospect, romantic. I believe that feeling is Love, true unadulterated LOVE; a one-way outpouring of emotion unlike anything I've felt before. Colin felt it too. And at moments we still feel it.

Well, today we celebrated Annabelle's first birthday. It was a simple affair, at the park near our home, with family and friends, playing some pick-up sports as the baby was passed from one set of arms to another. I guess maybe not such a baby anymore! It was a perfect day in Toronto, and exactly the kind of celebration we wanted: simple and outside.

Annabelle with her cousin Addison. I have a feeling that we're going to have to watch these two.
For first birthday parties, the Brooks family has a tradition of giving the baby their own cake; they get to go nuts, hands covered in icing and tastebuds in heaven. Sometimes the babies are weirded out by the experience (my nephew was scared of his cake), and others are all in.

Well, it seems that Annie has been waiting her whole life to eat that cake. Once we put a tiny taste of it in her mouth, she simply planted her face into the first layer. She then proceeded, to the great delight of her "audience" to lick the icing off the top. After awhile, I put a stop to the madness; I'm afraid that her first experience with sugar was a success.


Annie practicing for her first pie-eating contest.
So, Happy Birthday Annabelle! Or Annie, or Annie-B, A-B, Annie-Banany, Bananabelle, Adorabelle, Mud-Puddle, Peanut, Monkey-Doodle...whatever we call you, you're the best. THE BEST. Thanks for the most exciting year of my life. So far :)

'Til next time,

Caroline

Friday, 27 September 2013

Goals for home time!

We are one week into a month and a half at home, and I'm digging it. This is stating the obvious, maybe, but it's wonderful to nest, especially when it's the most gorgeous time of year in this often-smelly city. We've had a beautiful string of weather (how Canadian of me to be writing about the weather!), and it's now cool enough to close the windows in the house so that I'm not grinding my teeth each time a truck backs down our lane to dump a load of bricks for yet another construction project. I could write a few blogs about the noise in my neighbourhood this summer, let me tell you.

Plus, being home means I don't have to unpack and repack a suitcase full of baby crap each day. Everything is where it should be. Toys in each room, Annie in her own bed, her clothes in the closet, diapers in the drawer. And there's a high chair if I need to keep Annabelle in one place. It's awesome.

Bathroom playtime
Many people have been asking me what I'm doing during my time at home. There's an assumption that home = vacation. Not so for the self-employed...I've got some real personal and professional goals for my time in Toronto. I thought that if I shared them, I would be more accountable! My friend Kerri Ough wrote a great blog about what she planned to do with her sabbatical last year (read it here). I was inspired by that entry, and thought I'd share my goals too.

Here we go:

Daily Journal Writing
My journal scrawling has all but come to a halt since Annie was born a year ago. I used to journal regularly - especially on the road on long drives, or with a glass of wine late at night when Colin went to bed. Now, I just want to go to bed early too, and if I'm on the road with the baby, I'm either driving, entertaining her, or trying to nap. The last thing on my mind is putting thoughts to paper. So, at least four entries per week, even if it's just a recap of the day. I need to get the words flowing again.

Vocal Coaching
I have started to work with the fabulous Amanda Mabro to find ways to help improve my vocal health. There's a blog about my voice in the works where I'll explain my situation more deeply. In short, I'm learning that some bad technique and shitty amounts of sleep are the likely causes of 3 months of vocal trouble. Amanda's helping me work through this, and I'm so grateful. We're going to meet once a week, and I'm excited (and nervous) to see what kind of progress we can make.

Guitar Lessons
 I need some fresh eyes when I look at my guitars. Each time I pick up my guit-boxes these days, it feels like I'm playing the same things over and over. And while performing a hundred shows a year has certainly helped to improve my playing, I need to shake things up.
So, I'm going to take a few lessons, one on electric with the incomparable Christine Bougie to give me some new telecaster tricks, and one on acoustic with boy wonder Tom Power of CBC Radio 2 and The Dardanelles. It's been an embarrassing amount of time since my last lesson. These are well overdue.

Write/Complete Four songs
This fall break from touring was originally set aside for Good Lovelies to work on the new record, and that's what I'm going to do. I've got dozens of partially-written songs that need attention, and I'm hoping that some spark of creativity will get my songwriting going again.
I will admit that songwriting is not coming easily at the moment. I'm finding it hard to find inspiration (despite all the love in my life!).
I feel like my lyrics are trite and cheesy and completely without depth (not a new feeling, really). Also, combined with the vocal issues I've been having, I've been shying away from writing - well, unless I'm trying to entertain the baby. Today, while I was playing the guitar for Annabelle, I free-styled this little ditty:
Your name is Annie
You are cute and funny
But sometimes, oh sometimes
your diaper smells funky."

Can you say JUNO!?

Attend (at least) Five Live Shows
This is another part of my life that has been lacking since baby was born. I rarely go out to see live music, which is strange because I make my living depending on people doing just that.
There's no shortage of good music coming through Toronto in the next 5 weeks. Last night, I started working on this goal by seeing DIANA in concert at the Great Hall. The Good Lovelies sometimes-bassist Paul Mathew plays guitar/bass/synth in this band, and it was so fun to go see him in a different setting (DIANA's show is very different from the Lovelies!).

I was won over by the opening band last night, Empress Of.
She was mesmerizing...I think I'm in love. Again, 
Also, I drank a few beers last night, closed my eyes, swaying to the music. In that moment I was revelling in sound moving through me, trying to capture the subtleties of the music. It felt great to experience that again (and to hang out with some buds). This morning, not so awesome. Turns out I'm now a lightweight. First hangover since October 2011. Ugh.

momontheroad.ca
Over the next month I'll be working with musician and design wizkid Janine Stoll. She's helping me build a more comprehensive website for my Mom on the Road blogs. I'm excited to get this new webspace up and running!
In the meantime I have built a very basic website at www.carolinebrooks.ca. It's not much, but it's a place to point people in the direction of some of my projects. I'm feeling pretty energized about all of this, particularly because I just dropped an insane amount of dough on a new macbook pro.

Sleep Training Annie-B
Oh, this is my least favourite project for my time at home. This is the first significant amount of time at home we've had all year, and it gives us enough time to teach Annie to sleep (and to fall asleep) on her own. I'll get into this a bit more fully in an upcoming blog, but we need our little munchkin to learn how to fall asleep without our help. It's for our good, and hers too. We have made some really positive steps in the last week, but we have a long way to go.

My little taste-tester.
One New Recipe per week
Pretty self-explanatory. I do love cooking, even though my kitchen is the size of a postage stamp. It feels especially small when I have a one year old ambling around, getting her fingers into outlets, standing right in front of the stove, and pulling open the fridge.
So, I'm going to make one new dish per week. I have a feeling this month's recipes will involve many beautiful harvest vegetables. My favourite time of year for cooking (can you say Pumpkin pie!?).

And finally...

Throw a 1st birthday party!
Annabelle turns one tomorrow. And on that note, I must go bake some cupcakes, from a new recipe given to me by my buddy Sue Passmore (she has a great design/food/music blog...check it out here). We're having a gathering a the park tomorrow, taking advantage of the beautiful late summer weather.

Lots going on here, and I'm feeling energized (despite the hangover).

Til next time,

Caroline